The mystery of love...

So I have been spending quite a bit of time trying to understand this incredible concept of love. Truly, it has to be one of the hardest things in the world to achieve - you like person A, but they don't like you, but person B likes you, but you feel no chemistry and then you are having a bad day and meet person C and because you are quieter and more withdrawn you don't immediately click and the opportunity passes by and then you are alone and wondering why, for all things holy, you cant find love.

I honestly think that people that have found the one, their partner, he who makes you happiest are so incredibly lucky because its like Russian Roulette - except that the gun has 17 chambers and the bullet keeps moving at every roll of the barrel.

Sigh.

I wish I had the answers, I wish I understood how to work the system but I think that love is just one system you cant work. Its fate and destiny and desire. Yes, you can make yourself more open to love, get out there, try new things, make yourself available... but you cannot ever force love.

The secret says that the The Secret to the Law of Attraction is letting go - but that has to be one of the hardest things to do when you are constantly surrounded by reminders and cues to love and its importance in life.

So again another sigh, coz I'm just never going to ever figure this out.

Swimming pool dreams

Its incredible how lost I can get in the water - I can just zone out and wander through my mind, dreaming some glorious dreams and spending time with myself. I own the lane like I am a trooper on the state line between the US and Mexico and I just swim forever.

There is no end to my strength in swimming - I can do 60 lengths without even stopping and could continue forever should I not have to go to work. As I sit here now, I just want to get into the pool and float away and swim and push and pull against the water - its glorious.

Compliments

Today I just got the coolest compliment - someone just came into my office and called me the most gorgeous lady and wished me a spectacular new year - SHINE!!!! I am so completely and utterly overwhelmed by that - what fun for a Monday.

I know that all the self help books say that you should not rely on other people to give you compliments etc. but I think its so important to acknowledge the feeling that we get from being validated by others.

Not that it should replace self validation and self esteem - but its a nice compliment to how you feel about yourself and can really give you a boost when you need it most.

Thank you XXX

A Thousand Steps to a New You and Other Incredible Goals

Listened to an addiction counsellor on the radio yesterday who was talking about the different kinds of addiction and how refined sugar and carbohydrates are like cocaine and alcohol addiction. Refined sugar addiction is like cocaine addiction, he said, because it gives you a quick high - a fast release of sugar into the blood that makes you get up and go, whereas carbohydrate addiction is like alcohol addiction - a depressant - it makes you lethargic and chilled out (imagine how you feel at the end of the day with a glass of wine in hand - chilling).

So it was exceptionally interesting. I have to say that I like that analogy - it resonates with me. And when I look at sugar and what it does for me, and carbohydrates and what they do - its exactly like that.

He spoke about taking small steps to overcome these addictions and how addictions are not only to tangible things but also to ways of doings things, thought patterns, behaviours etc. It was very interesting and his perspective was quite honest and balanced.

I think we all have little addictions in our lives and to some degree they are important and healthy, but there is such a fine line between participating in something and becoming consumed by it.

So yeah, I have started the long arduous process of actually reclaiming my life. I went to see a nutritionist yesterday and she has given me a detox plan for 5 days and then she will have my meal plan ready. I would like to lose a significant amount of weight this year - through diet, exercise but also most importantly through mindset and lifestyle change because I know that I can stick to a diet and lose weight but if I don't change my lifestyle, I will never keep it off.

I need to identify the enablers of my addiction (both internally and externally) and put things in place to make sure that I acknowledge and work with them to overcome this.

Here's to the first step - as they say, the journey of 1,000 miles starts with 1 step.

Procrastination

So I wish that I could report that I have done reams of work this week thus far, but I havent even touched sides with what I need to!

I need to get motivated. I didnt make it to gym this morning so I wanna go there this afternoon, so I can get some energy back - want to see a film as well this evening and feel like if I dangle it as a carrot it may spurn me into action this morning to do something productive and endearing. I hate that feeling of lethargy - its almost like my whole head is in a bubble and I am trying to see out of the soapy walls but all I see is blurry-ness.

I think I am going to have to apply my mind to the "10 minute rule" for overcoming procrastination. You set an alarm for 10 minutes - and apply yourself to the task for 10 minutes - when the alarm goes off, you will either be into the task, in which case you will want to continue, or you will have made a bit of headway but not enough to keep going, in which case you can stop the task and then pick it up later - and when you pick it up, you will have already started, so it will appear more palatable.

Lets see how that goes...

How To Be Alone

This is one of the most incredible poems I have ever come across

Happy New Year

What an incredible holiday I have had! Whew. Its been incredible. And its given me the time that I needed to think, to reflect and to regroup and tomorrow when I return to work, I will be in a better space.

I managed to group my new years resolutions into 3 main groups:

 1. Look After Myself

I have a couple of resolutions around losing weight, going to the gym, having all the medical tests done as soon as possible to prepare myself for this year, build relationships with my family and friends, looking good and beautiful whenever I go out, being more honest and real and focused on building real relationships.

2. Build Myself Up

I have some resolutions about keeping a gratitude journal, to remember my blessings and the goodness in life, saving for my nest egg, reading and studying more about my business, work life and practices of the strategies I write and the consumers I try and understand.

I want to work through self help books and doing creative classes and courses to enrich my soul and myself on an everyday level.

I've got plans for getting my own space, helping others and communities that are less fortunate than me and working on promotion and building up my profile.

3. Open Myself Up

As part of opening myself up, I wish to complete a physical challenge, explore my country a little more. I want to go overseas at least twice this year, focus on certain friendships and cull the ones that no longer serve me or grow me, open myself up to love and a relationship.

I want to have more dinner parties and discussions, to get home from work earlier so I can spend time with my family and dogs.

So thats just a small sample of the adventures and focus points I have in mind for 2011.

Lets hope this year, MMXI brings us all much happiness and success.