Getting over yourself

Whew - I cant lie, I have been in one of the most hectic downers over the past 3 weeks that I have EVER experienced. Nothing could get me out of it. I just seemed to wallow in this space of sadness - of just existing rather than being. I didnt want to do anything - couldnt do anything - just wanted to sleep and be home and warm and quiet and thats not me at all.

But I am in Cape Town now, and it seems to have lifted my spirits slightly. I still have lots of questions - work, life, love, hope, happiness, honesty, intimacy, professionalism, failure, fear... but somehow they seem a little more in perspective when I bring myself down to the sea. I need to do that more often, but I also need to learn to not get bogged down so much by them when I am at home.

And then that brings up the whole other question... where is home? Is it still Johannesburg, should I think about making it Donegal, Cape Town, Nottingham Road, Sandton... is the place I am in still the place I belong - what about Alaska?

Maybe I am going through some kind of midlife crisis - maybe I am going through just a crisis of faith and experience... maybe I am just getting old.

Do I have enough - have I saved enough, am I loved enough....

The title of this post is getting over yourself. I dont think thats possible until you know exactly what you should be getting over! So time to unpack these crazy things in my mind, time to break free and open up my thoughts and plans and explore them again.

But not tonight - tonight, I just need to acknowledge that I need to... get over myself and out of my own way!