Breaking up...

So when a relationship comes to an end, there are some stages of grief that one has to go through. And it doesnt matter whether that relationship is a romance, a work relationship, a business enterprise or even a frivolous affair - it takes time to get over it and one goes through the different stages of remorse, sadness, anger and acceptance.

I was the lucky participant of two such break ups on Friday - one where I was the dumper, so to speak and one where I was the dumped. And can I say - often in that conversation people have they say "so would you prefer to be the dumper or the dumpee" and you have to choose - I would rather choose neither!

Man, its hard. On the one hand, when you are dumped you feel rejected - you feel like you are worthless, not good enough, invalidated etc. On the other hand, when you are the dumper, you have feelings of uncertainty, sadness that you have hurt this person, regret and upset - so neither option is good.

What I have learnt though over the past week end is there are some rules of engagement for break ups - regardless of whether you are the dumper or the dumpee.

1. Be compassionate and have empathy - imagine how you would feel when you are in the opposite situation and try to minimise the damage and the impact of your break off with the one you are dumping / dumped.

2. Dont act irrationally - its easy to send scathing emails, to be vindictive and to be outspoken and violent - its a natural reaction. Rather breathe before you say anything.

3. Be honest - say why you are breaking up, how you feel, what made you come to this decision. Dont let there be any doubts (nicely) about how you feel and what made you do what you do.

4. Allow time - time heals all things. And that is never more true than in a break up. Time to breathe, time to take a moment, time to think - use that time.

5. Grieve - grieve for the relationship that was, let yourself feel the hurt, doubt, sadness and desolation - its a sad time, but you will be ok in the long run (and a month older, so make yourself wiser by doing the self reflection).

So yeah, I am both grieving and breathing - trying to maintain professionalism when all I wanna do is rip someones eyes out and desperately wanting to run back into the arms of the one I love and saying that its best if we are together and that nothing else matters.

Its been a week end -but I am 3 days older since the end of two relationships - and hopefully wiser.

And in a few weeks I will look back on this and know that it was for the best - it was right and good and true and that I am exactly where I need and wanna be - and all will be good and well. The heart - patched up and healing, but the soul forever changed.

Be brave,

Kath