Even if you know me well, you don't know this

So Ive decided to do the July Writers Bootcamp challenge (@writersbootcmp on twitter) - 31 days - 31 topics and 31 blog posts. If anything it will add some content to my blog that I havent updated in over 2 years and 3 months (unforgiveable). 


So the topic for Day 1 is: Even if you know me well, you don't know this...

So here goes. 

What most people dont know about me is that I hate losing people more than anything else (probably stems from the fact that I am finally realising, 18 years on that I actually havent dealt with the loss of my mum as much as I thought I had). I hate losing people in my life... to the point where I actually dont create relationships (specifically here romantic ones) because the pain of potentially losing the person overshadows the glory of actually having the connection. 

And its debilitating - because I desperately want connection and romance and passion - I want to feel the fire of love and let it burn me. But Im terrified to put my heart on the line and actually get out there. So its quite a catch 22 with no easy resolution. 

I did hear the other day though - Dr Phil (the good old Oprah one) was chatting to a woman about grief - she had lost her dog and everyone told her to get over it but she just couldnt seem to master that). He said that you have to focus beyond the day of death - because how can you reduce the entire relationship you had to that one day of loss - and let that be your single memory. You should remember all the good things because those, by sum, are greater than that single day of loss. 

So I am trying to take that on board and live more presently because you really exist only in the now at the end of the day (or at least thats what I am trying to tell myself). 

Watch this space. :)